February 2001
Breaking Down Barriers to Safer Sex

So there’s hope! And a significant other! Oh my, this may lead to sex. Can I do that? What If I infect him/her? As women with HIV/AIDS, we have every right to be sexual. All humans need to touch and be touched. So be sexual, have sex … in fact have considerate, careful, consensual sex – using a barrier to protect your partner and you. Let’s take a good look at how we think about sex. Sex is more than just penetrative intercourse, whether vaginal or anal, and when we think of it as such we limit ourselves and our sexual options. Sex includes everything from feeling sexy by wearing a lacy set of undergarments, to talking sexy, and reading, writing, or watching erotic material. Self-masturbation, petting and dry humping. Massage, mutual stimulation, oral sex and penetration - it’s all part of sex. Sex begins with a thought, continues through foreplay and climax and ends with more thought about how wonderful it was and/or how it could be better next time.

Don’t let your thinking limit you; let it liberate you. Under what circumstances am I most likely to be sexual? How, in those instances, can I best protect myself from other sexually-transmitted infections and my partner from HIV? How can I be sexual and still be safe? Obviously, the only way to be 100% sure of never getting another STD is abstinence, but that simply isn’t an option for most of us. Start thinking about harm reduction, reducing the risk. What would I like to do sexually? How can I do that with less risk? What could I do instead? Get to know your body and your partner’s body; are there any open sores or wounds? Are body fluids present? When reducing risk, it is important to remember which body fluids are most likely to carry infection. They are blood, semen, “pre-cum,” vaginal fluids, breast milk, and any discharge from an open sore. Use a barrier when any of these fluids are present.

A barrier can be a latex condom, female condom, dental dam or saran/plastic wrap. (Caution: be sure that saran wrap is not marked “safe for microwave use,” or something to that effect. Those brands have been made with microscopic holes to allow air through. Those holes can also let infections through.) If you are allergic to latex, polyurethane condoms are available and effective. (Sheep skin or “natural” condoms, however, won’t work. They also have microscopic holes that allow infection to pass through.) Combine a barrier and an ample amount of water-based lubricant and the sexual possibilities are endless. (Oil-based lubricants will ruin barriers.) Play around with it, sex is FUN!

Keep the rules simple; all you need to remember is barriers and bodily fluids. Take a break while you’re on your period (to avoid contact with blood during menstruation) or if you have an active infection. Instead, catch up on snuggling and movie watching. Also, keep in touch with you healthcare providers, watch your viral load and overall health. It is possible that the lower your viral load is, and the healthier you are, the less likely you are to pass HIV on to that special someone.

I know it can be embarrassing to talk about sex, but knowing more can only make sex less stressful and more fun, so don’t be afraid to ask.

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