Well, I've decided to give a shot at telling my story.

In 1988 when I turned myself in to a detox center to get off heroin for the third time, I was asked if I would agree to take an HIV test. I decided to go for it. After a week or ten days (I'm really not sure because the experience was such a blur), I left and went into a 21-day treatment center, soon forgetting about the HIV test, but thinking I was cool.

Then, I got a call from my counselor saying that someone was coming out to talk to me. Boy, did I begin to sweat, knowing it had to be bad news because no one else knew I was at the center. Hours later, this man came and spoke to me. When I asked him if he had ever done this before, he told me that I was the first. I began to shake and light cigarette after cigarette. I felt like my life had just fallen apart. In an instant I had lost control over my destiny and was going to die. So, why go on? Why get straight? Why bother? Why had God done this to me? Why did he forsake me? Feeling like a child sitting there not knowing what to do, I cried and cried as the counselor explained to me that I must not have children because I could possibly pass the infection to them; plus, it was likely that I wouldn't be alive to take care of them. Soon, I left the treatment center wondering why I should stay straight without a future, so I slowly started doing dope again.

Fried, I attended after-care meetings, stopping by only to get my paper signed for the court. Just playing the game. When I went to the doctor, she told me I'd be dead in five years.

As time went on, I got worse. Then, my man got busted and was sent to prison. I kept selling dope, doing dope, and running as hard as I could with nothing to live for, nothing to die for. As money began to run low, my man finally got out. After two years, I began another program, even though I was still periodically using. Suddenly, I began to get sick at night which I thought was from all the dope. Eventually, I got a pregnancy test which turned out to be positive. At that moment, everything in my life changed.

I quit doing drugs, and I felt great. With the life in me, it was time to stop destroying myself. There seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel, after all. Feeling happy and excited, I went to Providence and met with a caring, nonjudgmental doctor who told me there was a specialty clinic named Northwest Family Center and that Heather Watts was the best in her field.

Today, I have two healthy sons, a six-year-old and a five-year-old. As for how our lives have gone the last ten years, that's another story altogether.

--Deb H.

Stop Smoking!!

Hey all of you ladies who are contemplating quitting smoking...there is an antidepressant called "Wellbutrin" and there are patches available to help you quit and deal with the depression associated with quitting smoking.

These are available at the Northwest Family Center.
Call Deb V. at BABES. 206-7204377

Quote Of The Month

"When AIDS is over, we're going to look back and say that because of AIDS we learned to love ourselves and eachother."
-Luis Nassaney The Color Of Light

Meet The New Peer Counselor Advocates

Hello! My name is Deborah Hudson, and I'm a new peer-advocate counselor. I am married and the mother of two children. My husband and I both are HIV positive. I'm looking forward to getting to know all of you! Hey! I'm your "new neighbor" and am truly happy to join BABES as a peer-advocate counselor.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Julia Sterling, and I've moved to the Seattle area from Tacoma. I have three children---Eric, 27; Jennifer, 25; and my baby, Sarah, 16. In December of 1990, I was diagnosed with HIV and in 1995 was diagnosed with AIDS. Since 1990, my focus has been on HIV prevention and education. I look forward to working with all of you!