A Big Decision
By Sue M

I have been HIV + since 1988. As my husband's primary caregiver until his death in 1994, my thoughts were always preoccupied with his illness of AIDS. Since his death, my denial about my own health issues has been broken down.

In 1994, I had a T4 count of 648 and I didn't know my viral load. In 1996, I had a T4 count of 266 and a viral load of 270,000. What a surprise! I cried for a couple of days and felt scared. This seemed like quite a drop in a short period of time. I had been experiencing fatigue and had lost eight pounds for no apparent reason. Otherwise, I felt fine.

After doing some research and speaking to my doctor, my decision came to take a protease inhibitor which soon resulted in two weeks of feeling nauseated. I am pleased to say that my doctor prescribed a medication to eliminate that problem. Following eight weeks on protease inhibitors, my T4 count rose to 566 and my viral load dropped to an undetectable level. I have gained back the lost weight, and my fatigue has lessened.

Depression may be a side effect of the meds, which came at the same time that I began the medication. I believe the news of needing to take a protease inhibitor caused the depression. For the first time, I have to look seriously at my own health. When I contemplate my health developing into an AIDS diagnosis, I become overwhelmed. My stress level and anxiety have been high these last six months. Everyday tasks and my job here at BABES are all I can manage. At times I feel all alone. As a result, I began taking an anti-depressant. I do believe the protease inhibitors have given me a window of time with the progression of this disease. For me, this was the right decision. We must all decide for ourselves when the time comes.

Closing the Courage Chasm

Sometimes when I'm speaking in public, I stare out at the sea of strangers and cringe as I bare my soul and identity, and then ultimately wonder what in the world I'm doing there.

Recently, I got an answer to that question. At a Multifaith Aids Project care team orientation, a young woman was in the audience who was deeply affected by the panel of Aids presenters. As an anorexic and bulimic, she shared our sense of isolation, pain, and fear of rejection. What she didn't share was our honesty. In fact, no one knew about her problem. Armed with courage gained from the panel, she confided her health status to family members and cherished friends. Some were aghast, some tentative, and some supportive. Like we all have had to do, she quickly separated "genuine" friends from those who wanted friendship only under ideal circumstances.

So, how did I find out about this young woman? After I spoke to a small group at her church, she told the people gathered around the table about her reaction to hearing the panel speak. Listening to her say how the experience changed her approach to living made me aware of the importance of sharing. Everyone has pain; sometimes revealing personal angst has a way of encouraging others to address and confront the realities of their own concerns. The common threads here really are humanness and understanding.

So, next time I'm quaking at the sight of a sea of strangers, I'll fortify myself with the thought that maybe my modicum of courage will be contagious once again.

Mary

Malt-O-Meal Red Alert

Hopefully, everyone is aware that the president of Malt-O-Meal has voluntarily recalled an estimated two to three million pounds of plain toasted oat breakfast cereals (produced under 39 names) because they have the potential to be contaminated with Salmonella serotype Agona. Salmonella is an organism that can cause serious and sometimes fatal infections in young children, frail, or elderly people, and others with weakened immune systems.

The recall covers all plain toasted oat products distributed under the following brand names: National Brand: Malt-O-Meal Product Name: Toasty O's, Toasted Oats (distributed by MOMCO) All other Malt-O-meal products, including specialty flavored toasted oat products, are not involved.
(Malt-O-Meal Consumer Hotline: 1-800-1810)

Seattle-King County Health Department Fact Sheet Salmonellosis

1. What Is It?
Salmonellosis is an infection of the intestines caused by a bacteria called Salmonella.

2. Symptoms: Symptoms usually develop 6-72 hours after bacteria are swallowed. Symptoms may disappear untreated in 2 to 5 days. Symptoms include: diarrhea, stomach cramps, headache, fever, vomiting (sometimes), dehydration, especially among infants and the elderly.

3. How Is It Spread? Salmonella bacteria leaves the body in the stool. If infected people fail to wash their hands well after going to the bathroom, they can pass the bacteria to others from their hands. Salmonella can also be spread by contaminated food, water, or milk, through contact with infected animals, especially poultry, swine, cattle, rodents, and pets such as reptiles, chicks, ducklings, terrapins, dogs, and cats. Outbreaks of Salmonella are usually traced to foods such as commercially processed meat products, inadequately cooked poultry, and foods containing eggs and egg products. Salmonella contamination has been identified in food that was processed or prepared with contaminated cooking utensils or on contaminated cutting boards or counter tops.

4. Diagnosis and Treatment: Salmonella infection can be diagnosed from a stool sample. Most people get rid of the bacteria on their own without any treatment. Drink plenty of liquids (clean water, juices, soup) to prevent dehydration (fluid loss).

5. Prevention: Wash hands well after going to the bathroom and before eating or preparing food. Cook all meats, particularly poultry, pork, egg products, and meat dishes thoroughly. Disinfect food preparation surfaces and utensils after each use (1 tsp. liquid household bleach per gallon of water). Do not rinse. Let air dry. Prepare the bleach solution fresh daily. Do not eat raw or undercooked eggs. Drink only pasteurized milk. Dispose of diapers properly and wash your hands after changing a diaper. Refrigerate food promptly.

Note: People who have diarrhea should avoid working as food handlers, or caring for children or patients. Children who have diarrhea should not go to day care.

Report all cases to the Health Department by calling (206) 294-4774.

STANWOOD RETREAT

The setting was blue sky, green grass, rolling hills, trees, flowers, a pond with a little island, and off in the background, a white two-story house. It was an unforgettable experience. Ilene, our host, served us a wonderful breakfast.love those blueberry pancakes, bacon, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. I think everyone would agree the Salmon was out of this world.

All the sisters came together, and I sat in a circle and spoke whatever I felt. You know you just can't do this kind of thing anywhere. That's what makes having all of your sisters around you special---learning what makes each one of us unique and beautiful and sharing that common bond. Thank You!

Since I came to the BABES retreat as a first-time facilitator, I welcome any suggestions---anonymously or otherwise! Please remember we want to make the retreats special for you.

Deb Hudson

Retreat Reflections

Times are tough all over"---it ain't necessarily so. By the grace of God, there's the Craig Brown House in Stanwood, Washington, and by the grace of Ilene and Jay, what beauty, what peace, what food, what movies!

Despair is a quiet monster creeping around the edges of expression saying, "Hey, don't bother to brush your teeth; it's all meaningless. Why clean up? Why wash dishes? Why go to the mailbox? Why get out of bed? Who cares?" The French word "espere" means to hope---without hope, despair.

Babes gives time away from all the cares and woes of our lives, fills our hearts with love, sisterhood, and hope.

Thank the stars, and lovely stars they are, and the Lord that I was alive and fortunate enough tomake the cut when so many wanted to attend the retreat! All the babes missed were sorely missed---Deb V., Barb, Doriann, Jesse, Ally, Patricia, Eldonna. Let's hope Babes can all come together at least once a year to keep despair out in the cold and hope in our hearts.

Babes retreats are life savers and next year, I'll bring sheet music and practice for the retreat!

BABE
HIV since 1989

Soup to Nuts

4 ... 1-inch thick pork chops
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
3 tbsp. Oil
1... 8 1/4 oz. can sliced pineapple
2 ...16oz. cans Louisiana yams
1/8 tsp. each cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice
1/2 tsp. crushed basil leaves
1 ...8 1/2oz. can water chestnuts, drained, sliced

Brown…….. chops seasoned with salt and pepper in oil in skillet; remove chops and set aside. Pour……….. off drippings and add syrups drained from pineapple and yams to skillet.
Stir………… in seasonings and add chops.
Simmer……. covered, for 45 minutes, basting occasionally.
Add…………yams, pineapple slices, and water chestnuts.
Simmer……..covered, for 15 minutes longer, basting occasionally.
Yields………4 servings.