Pictures, poetry, artwork, stories . . . A memorial to provide a space and means for women to express grief, healing, and the strength to survive in the face of HIV. We all express grief differently. The road to healing contains rage, fear, sadness, vengeance... We will all face these differently. In choosing not to censor or edit these contributions, we are respecting these differences. You may find some postings distasteful or offensive. We appreciate your tolerance.

For Vanessa...
When a Babe dies

When a Babe dies
It's like a tree of life falling.
All she leaves behind
is set to spinning
like a grieving mind
grappling for pictures
of smiles, kind ways
strength built in the relationships
nurtured at our reunions
in her own life.
Oh my living Sequoia.
I grieve your loss so deep.
The shade of your comfort you granted me.
In your presence grew strength.
My heart is breaking
Yet your soul is soaring
And budding into new life
In a white robe
Resting in the bosom of our lord.
Our end,
your new beginning.

Love,
Barb
02/2007

In memory of a BABE
Clarissa
1967-2006

To my niece,

It wasn't easy for me to say goodbye to you. The tears and sorrow are still lingering around the people who loved you. We're all going to miss you. The sadness that hits me, the anger and despair that follows.

I'm comforted to know that you're really free now, Crissy. There will be no more fear and doubt, shame or guilt or any of these obstacles that we all go through. You are free to rest. And I know that you're not totally gone, because the lives you touched will always remember you. And all the doubt that you lived with can be put to rest, knowing that you did your best.

I watched you as you struggled in the world - we struggled together. At least one of us is free now.

Until we meet again,
Your Aunty

February 26, 2005 - Kass Anderton died February 28th eight years ago and BABES misses her: There are few places to remember Kass at these days; I can remember her within myself or with my family or at her grave but I thought I would also share my remembrance with you, her passion. On Sunday the 27th of February will be her eight year anniversary, I can not believe it has been so long sinse I have seen her face...

Forty pills she took a day
But her love she selflessly gave away
Helping women in their time of need
Always fighting the judgment seed
She lived a painful life
Always taking her suffering in strife
Loves came and they went
But Stella was hell bent
On pushing justice to the end
On not many people she could depend
Her family soon turned into acquaintances
Her friends became her soul dependences
So sick so weak so full of drugs
In so much need of societies hugs
She found pride and comfort in something called Babes
She found pride and comfort in other women with AIDS
No longer did she have to die unidentified
And with a forever bond was tied
So carry on you women of strength
No matter what background may lay beneath
Hold your head up high and believe in yourself
And demand that society rejoice in your wealth
Of confidence and strength
And weakness and sickness
For being vulnerable and true
Are lessons that nobody knew
Come back in great rewards
Of dignity that would sore
One day Stella said “no more”
And welcomed the openness of deaths’ door
She stepped inside
And proved she had no more to hide
For when “god” looked down on her life
She held her and thanked her for doing her part
In teaching the lesson of love of the heart

-Taylor Wrenn

Oh The Release

Oh The Release
An explosion of fear
Rage of the unjust
A fever, a leaver
It's too loud to hear a wall of indifference
A numbing
Maybe a tear
It's all so fucking deep
I'm drowning in the noise
It comes from within
This joy
Sink or swim
I will survive
To hopefully life
A healthier life

-Deb V.
7/25/98

An End to Innocence

I remember going off to college full of naive faith. Coming from such a protected Christian background, I was shocked at the extent of drinking and sexual activities of my new friends. The first time that a roommate didn't come home at night, I was ready to call the police. It tooks months before I adjusted to the fact that she was just "sleeping over" at her boyfriends. I couldn't even make judgements. It was so foreign that I had to work to comprehend it. I eventually incorporated this new way of being into my understanding. Over time, I became more used to things in the "real world." By the age of 22, I could actually say the word "penis" out loud. Soon, I was exposed to even more difficult realities. Friends that were wild and free dropped out of my world--sent home because of a pregnancy or addiction. Eventually, I came to know people with "AIDS." What a scarey word! And after long work, I came to be able to speak openly with friends and some of my family about sexual realities. My faith in a benign patriarchal God died. Now, I live in a world that includes memories of friends taken by HIV and hopes for friends struggling with HIV--a world that includes shades of gray and complicated problems. Nothing seems as simple anymore. I am a woman now, but sometimes I mourn the loss of faith.

-Anonymous

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